What are Sexual Dysfunctions?
Sexual Dysfunctions occur when a person experiences problems that prevent them from enjoying or wanting to be a part of sexual encounters.
There is no specific timeline for when it happens. It can happen to anyone, at any age, though the likelihood does increase with age. While it might be considered fairly common, the topic seems to be dismissed by a chunk of people, when in fact, it can have a major impact on the quality of life and interpersonal relationships.
Sexual Dysfunction VS Asexuality
There seems to be confusion among people about these two terms. It is important to distinguish sexual dysfunction from asexuality. Usually, hesitation grows due to social norms and misconceptions about sexuality.
While asexuality is distinct, characterised by a lack of sexual attraction or interest without particular distress, people experiencing sexual dysfunction face a contrasting challenge, such as having a desire for sexual activity but encountering difficulties in enjoying sexual functioning.
The Four Major Sexual Dysfunctions
How do we know if we are experiencing sexual dysfunction? We cannot simply base this on a bad night or the fact that we are simply not in the mood once in a while. Let’s underline that it is essential to discern between occasional fluctuations and persistent patterns indicating sexual dysfunction. If you are experiencing any of the following concerns consistently, it is crucial to seek professional guidance:
Desire: little or no interest in sexual relations on an ongoing basis, beyond occasional fluctuations.
Arousal: lack of ability to become physically aroused during sexual intercourse, despite being emotionally present.
Orgasm: delayed, absent, or reduced intensity of orgasm, despite being emotionally present.
Pain: experiencing a significant amount of physical pain during sexual intercourse.
Sexual Dysfunctions and Relationships
Even though sexual health is not a rare topic anymore, the truth is that most people feel embarrassed to raise the topic with their partner. Why? It seems like embarrassment might be at the root of admitting that something might be 'wrong' with them or that they feel dissatisfied with their sexual life.
Lack of communication/acknowledgment: Keeping your sexual experience hidden from your partner can strain the communication - silence can lead to build-up anger, frustration, and fear which creates a big rupture.
Emotional distance: A lack of communication and ongoing sexual discontent an emotional rift will likely occur which breaks the trust and leads to decreased satisfaction and intimacy in the relationship.
Impact on the overall well-being (individual and shared): Unsolved sexual needs can take a toll on your physical and mental health, but also on your partner’s, which then, like a chain, affects your whole relationship.
Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is the most prevalent sexual dysfunction among men, impacting at least 30 million of them. It is characterised by the inability to get or keep get an erection. Note that It's not uncommon to have an occasional 'off' night, but if it becomes a regular pattern, it's important to pay closer attention to its frequency.
Physical Health and Lifestyle: Erectile dysfunction can occasionally indicate underlying health issues, such as high blood pressure or high blood sugar. Therefore, it's crucial to notify a specialist promptly if you observe a recurrence.
Emotional: Have you encountered more stress than usual? What about increased levels of anxiety? Or maybe performance anxiety? Troubles within your relationships? Anything that dysregulates you and causes a heightened level of emotional distress can lead to ED.
Age: As men get older, the chances of experiencing ED increase significantly, making it a prevalent issue associated with aging.
Vaginismus
Vaginismus, a common issue among women, occurs when the muscles of the vagina involuntarily tighten. Despite not affecting arousal or desire, it can make sexual intercourse painful and uncomfortable, disrupting the experience. There are two main types of vaginismus:
Primary: when vaginal penetration has never been achieved.
Secondary: once achieved, it is no longer possible due to different causes (e.g. menopause).
There is not one apparent reason a woman might experience vaginismus but it has been linked to:
Emotional factors: Raised levels of anxiety and fear, especially related to negative attitudes towards sexual intercourse (e.g. bad first sexual experience, trauma-related experience), or maybe the individual is facing issues within the relationship.
Physical factors: One of the most common physical factors is related to childbirth, experiencing a complicated medical condition, or going through menopause.
Treatment and Sexual Dysfunctions
There is no simple solution, and unfortunately, most people seem to share a common experience where their problems are partially neglected by their GP, or they feel too ashamed to even raise it as a problem. However, there are treatments available, and yes, it's entirely possible to rediscover enjoyment and fulfillment in your sex life.
Open communication: Start easy, be open, and share what is going on with your partner and a professional. Open dialogue about your needs and concerns helps overcome barriers.
Therapy: You can choose from various therapies depending on the root of the issue that is causing the discomfort. You can choose from options such as CBT (more focused on techniques related to arousal and orgasm), sex therapy, or couples therapy where you can endeavour in more depth about your sexual relationship alongside your partner, or psychotherapy (addressing the past, anxiety/fear, self-image).
Medication: After careful consideration with a specialist, medication can be an option for you depending on the cause of the dysfunction.
Intimacy Problems Without Sexual Dysfunction
You can experience intimacy problems without necessarily experiencing sexual dysfunction. And the truth is that it's more common than you think. Intimacy problems are closely related to the emotional and physical closeness between partners. While they can affect the quality of your sex life, the main causes of intimacy problems stem from lack of communication (e.g., desires, needs, or feelings), trust issues (finding it hard to be vulnerable), and low self-esteem.
That said, seeking the professional guidance of a therapist is key in such cases. Working through the challenges can help improve not only the quality of your sex life but your relationship too.
Is my problem physical or mental?
This is not a simple question as the two can be interdependent. It is best to pay attention to your symptoms and their occurrence.
A good example for men who struggle with ED is paying attention to maintaining or achieving an erection. If you experience this in combination with a persistent lack of sexual desire (e.g., in certain settings or with a particular partner) this might indicate that it is not only physical but psychological factors affecting you.
Supporting a Partner with Sexual Dysfunction
Sometimes, the best support for someone facing sexual dysfunction is simply being there for them:
Educate Yourself: The more you understand sexual dysfunctions, the better you'll be at handling difficult conversations and easing your partner's worries.
Reassure Your Partner: It's crucial to let your partner know that your feelings for them remain unchanged. Assure them that this is a journey you will tackle together.
Express Your Feelings: Don't be afraid to share how you feel. Like any issue in a relationship, sexual dysfunction needs acknowledgment and open communication.
Adjust Your Sex Life: Find other ways to please and satisfy each other. Exploring different forms of intimacy can help maintain a strong connection and reduce performance anxiety.
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